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How to Avoid a Toxic Divorce

When friends and family recount their divorce experiences, few people recount an easy or amicable affair. Typically, divorce is described as an emotionally exhausting event that most are happy to have behind them. Is there any way to make divorce less painful? Is there a way to make the experience less emotionally draining? After all, if both parties are in agreement that the divorce is what’s best for everyone, from where is all the negativity coming?

Four Tips for Keeping Your Divorce Amicable

A recent survey found that in some states, amicable divorces were as high as 79%! What have those couples realized that the rest of the country has not? The study suggested that co-parenting was the main reason those divorces ended amicably. So, maybe there is a way to keep divorces from becoming toxic and divisive.

We’ve compiled a list of steps you could try to see if your divorce could be more amicable, too.

  • Start off on the right footing: The first conversation about divorce can chart the direction of every mention of the topic thereafter. If you wait until you’re in the heat of an argument and bring it up as a weapon, it’s likely the remainder of your time together in the marriage will be combative. Bringing up divorce as a threat or weapon to win the argument will sow the seeds of resentment and poison the conversation going forward. By approaching the topic in calm dulcet tones, you can start a conversation instead of an argument. If you are considering divorce because of problems in the marriage, your spouse is likely not going to be surprised by the conversation, which can open the door to a more constructive and collaborative divorce.
  • Use the court room for legal procedures not a place to rehash disagreements: It’s not realistic to expect you and your spouse to agree on everything once you’ve decided to dissolve the marriage. Honestly, if everything was rosy, you’d likely be staying together. When you find yourselves at an impasse, don’t use the courtroom to litigate the issue. Work to find less heightened venues to negotiate the terms on which you disagree. Whether it’s assets or child custody issues, mediation can help to keep the conversation amicable and measured.
  • Remain flexible and open to compromise: It’s hard to be flexible. We understand. It’s important to not view the divorce with a pedantic lens of winners and losers. Once a divorce becomes about winning and making the other side the losing, it’s likely all going downhill shortly thereafter. If you want to keep the lines of communication open and emerge on the other side of the divorce without the emotional scars of a draining and toxic experience, you should try to keep the process flexible. There is no right or wrong way to get divorced if it works for you and your spouse.
  • Look to the future you want: When the divorce begins grating on your nerves and making you feel miserable, it’s helpful to remember what your life was like before you decided to get divorced. Happy couples don’t end their marriages, so if you’re getting a divorce, someone was unhappy. If you were the party who was unhappy, then you can look to a future where you can start over and build a happy life with a new partner or new goals. If you were the spouse who feels blind sighted by the divorce, then the future holds an opportunity to find someone who wants to build a future with you.

Measured and Respectful Divorce Representation

No one intentionally complicates their divorce or prolongs the process. Divorce can be an emotional experience if you don’t work hard to make it something different. Finding a divorce lawyer who can bring a measured and respectful approach to your divorce could be in your best interest.

Beatriz Zyne, P.A. can develop a strategy for your divorce in Miami. Call us now at (305) 876-6138 to schedule a consultation.